The Truth About Bigfoot Revealed: Sasquatch Part of Communist Fifth Column

Seriously, it’s like Red Dawn, only with evil Russian communist Sasquatches instead of evil Russian communist soldiers.


Proof can be found here. Clearly, this indicates that Bigfoot has joined the evil empire and is hellbent on subjugating America. We know hell has something to do with it because an intrepid band of heroes, led by a Bishop of the Russian Orthodox Church, had been dispatched to stop the plot.
In a shocking develpoment the forces of evil have co-opted anthropology to provide a cover story for the Sasquatch fifth column:

According to the head of the department of anthropology at the Institute of Ethnology and Anthropology in Moscow, anthropologists have never seen or studied the body of a bigfoot or yeti, although there are numerous reports of their sightings throughout the world.
He also noted that yetis for some reason are always spotted singularly, which is ‘biological nonsense’, as a large population must exist in order to create generation after generation. According to the anthropologist, Earth has been studied so thoroughly that if a population of yeti existed it would have been confirmed.

Good thing for us the Sasquatches haven’t formed an alliance with the Octopi.
Wait, this breaking news just in! Noooooooooo! The worst has happened! It’s the Apocalypse!
All of which, of course, makes about as much sense as this post and comments therein.

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6 Responses

  1. Sasquatch commies? As if. Your common bigfoot is as conservative as they come, and I’m not talking conservative socialism here. You want leftwing extremism you’re talking orang pendak. Even their socialist orang utan cousins say they carry it too far.

  2. I think someone’s OD’ed on tard. Ask Mr. Richard T. Hughes for details about rehab programmes in your area.

  3. While Sasquatch are Russian spies, Almas’ usually spy for Germany:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Almas_(cryptozoology)#Captives

  4. B-but. . . the Almas were supposed to be Neandertals!!!!! Didn’t the Germans consider them inferior subhumans?????
    Anne G

  5. Anne Gilbert,
    To the Germans everybody is an inferior subhuman. Only today they’ve learned how to fake tolerance.

  6. Didn’t nazis thought that Aryans evolved from European Neanderthals and not from Africans? At least some modern ones call them (Neanderthals) “White Creators” (!, stormfront link)

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