I CAN HAS TEH RAWK? An Experiment in LOL ScienceBlogging

That’s what Ohio wants to know, anyway, on the other hand Kentucky is saying:

OH NOEZ, U HAS TAKEN R RAWK

At issue is an eight ton boulder that sat in the Ohio River for at least a century, apparently. The boulder is not without some historical value:

For years, the rock was a navigation marker for boaters along the river and also indicated the river’s water levels, showing itself when the river dipped and hiding in higher water.
Postcards and newspaper accounts dating back to the early 1900s mention the rock.
A Sept. 29, 1908, article from The Portsmouth Daily Times says more than 1,000 people flocked to the rock with “the water being so low that the historic relic is now plainly visible to the naked eye.”
Somewhere during its history, a stick figure-like face was chiseled onto it. People carved names and initials onto it, including one marking that reads “EDC – Sep. 1856.”

The issue flared up recently when a local historian pulled the rock from the river, claiming reasons of preservation:

TEH HISTORIAN, STEVE SHAFFR OV IRONTON, OHIO, SED PEEPS R OVERREACTIN. TEH RAWK, HE SED, WUZ NEGLECTD AN IN DANGR OV BEAN DAMAGD OR LOST FOREVR. 4 NAO, TEH DISPUTD BOULDR RESTS ON SUM OLD TIREZ IN DUSTY CORNR OV PORTSMOUTH, OHIO, CITY MAINTENANCE GARAGE, BOUT 100 MILEZ SOUTHEAST OV CINCINNATI.

Kentucky archaeologist George Crothers disagrees:

GEORGE CROTHERS, TEH DIRECTOR OV TEH UNIVERSITY OV KENTUCKYS WILLIAM S. WEBB MUSEUM OV ANTHROPOLOGY AN OFFICE OV STATE ARCHAEOLOGY, SED TEH RAWK WUZ PROTECTD ARCHAEOLOGICAL OBJECT DAT WUZ REGISTERD WIF TEH STATE IN 1986.
REMOVIN TEH RAWK DAMAGD IT CUZ SUCH ARTIFACTS R BEST PRESERVD IN THEIR NACHURAL ENVIRONMENT, CROTHERS SED.
“U REMOOV IT FRUM TEH RIVR AN NAO IZ JUS RAWK WIF SUM NAMEZ ON IT,” HE SED. “THEY DESTROYD DAT (HISTORICAL) CONTEXT WHEN THEY DID DAT.”

The Kentucky attorney general’s office is involved and there have been resolutions and counter-resolutions by Kentucky and Ohio Lawmakers. Some residents are somewhat puzzled and one exclaimed:

I HAS NEVR HERD OV TEH RAWK

Fortunately, at this point no glass houses have been damaged.

8 Responses

  1. Hmm. Well, I’m originally from a town right next to Portsmouth, and I’ve never heard of such a rock. I’m sure my grandparents have, though.
    We all learned in grade school that the Ohio River actually belongs to the state of Kentucky. Does that apply to rocks?

  2. That was very gud. But walrus-speak would have been more appropriate, ie “Noooo they be stealin’ my Rock” (walrus can has better grammars than teh cats).
    Polar bears be also gud.

  3. Parts of the Ohio River belong to Kentucky, most of it belongs to West Virginia. I imagine that includes everything therein.

  4. Has Ken Ham given his opinion on the age of the rock?
    The last time Ohio was in a dispute like this…….We ended up with Toledo and Michigan got the UP

  5. CleveDan – I DOAN KNOE HOW OLD TEH RAWK IZ, IT WUZ CREATD BY CEILIN CAT, SO IT VRY GUD. DAT IZ Y PEEPS R ARGUIN OVAR IT.
    ERV – LOL LEMURS R TEH BEST CUZ THEY R CUTR THAN KITTEHS

  6. hey d00d. rawks b sirius biznes.
    in collij i livd in wiminz dorm & we wuz has teh rivalree wif menz dorm cross teh streetz. 1 nite teh menz caem & steeld teh big rawk form our front yard.
    teh next nite a bunch ov us wiminz raded dem & steeld teh tire swing form ther front yard & sed we haz hostij untill we can has rawk bak agin, or els we tellz evry1 u is all wusses 4 lettin wiminz dorm rade u.
    dey wuz so embarrisd dey brot teh rawk bak teh next nite. & no bodee evr mess wif us agin cuz we wuz teh bada$$ grrrrlz wif teh cohonies. so htere.
    oh, & we sed k d00ds, u can has tire swing bak agin. we wuz nice bada$$ grrrrlz. 🙂

  7. It vry gud story, morale iz dont mess wid wiminz.

  8. Might be that Pennsylvania owns the Ohio River since they have the option of damming it, converting Pittsburgh (and nearby valley sections) into a lake, and leaving Ohio wide open to invasion from West Virginia and Kentucky (or vice-versa if you think the movement would be southbound.)
    And then everyone can get their own rawk…
    – Kurt

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